Going Crazy
by The-Missing-Paige
Summary: Set during "Sam, Interrupted." Dean is trying to deal with the insanity the wraith caused in him, and just like always, his angel comes to set him straight.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, or any related characters.**

* * *

A ringing, metallic clang echoed outside the door, making Dean jump and attempt to press himself further into the corner he was currently occupying. With wide eyes, he stared out the little window in the door to his room, trying to imagine what could have caused the noise. The rational portion of his mind insisted that it was just something one of the orderlies had dropped, a tray of medicine, perhaps. But Dean couldn't quite bring himself to believe that, not with all the crazy things he had been seeing lately. It wouldn't surprise him to find that the delusions—if that's what they actually were, if what appeared to be reality wasn't in fact the lie—had extended to the auditory as well as the visual.

There was another thump, outside, and then a hand slammed up against the window, followed by a face—a wraith's face. Only that wasn't possible, wraiths looked like humans unless they were seen in a mirror…right? Frantic, Dean shut his eyes, rubbing them hard with the heels of his hands as if he could wash away the things he was seeing. None of this was real. In fact, maybe the hospital wasn't even real, maybe he and Sam had never _actually_ checked in…but then, how far back did the hallucination go? How much of his recent past was real? Hell, how could he even be sure he existed at all?

Dean whimpered, silently shouting at himself to get a grip. This was pathetic. He was better than this, he was a _hunter_! Hunters didn't just go to pieces when something supernatural started, so why couldn't Dean handle this? He had to get his shit together!

A faint fluttering filled the room and Dean's eyes snapped open with immediate hope. "Cas!" he choked, instantly relieved. The angel could take him out of this illusion, he was sure of it. After all, that had to be a much easier task than time travel, and Castiel had already proven he was up to that.

"Dean, you need to get going," Cas replied, his deep, gravelly voice comforting…until Dean thought about it. Would it be weird for a crazy person to conjure up something nice and familiar? No. In fact, that was probably the norm, a kind face amongst the terrifying images his brain was putting out.

"How do I know you're real?" Dean rasped, sudden panic making him scrabble to his feet and lean into the wall, as though he could melt into it. Hell, who's to say he couldn't at that point?

"Dean, it's me," Castiel insisted. "You have to get a grip, the wraith is still out there." The angel stepped closer, and Dean put all of his effort into stepping back—only that was impossible. For now, at least, the walls were still stubbornly solid. His breathing became shallow with Cas, or the illusion, or whatever only inches away, now. The angel's already serious brow furrowed. "You can't really think I'm not real, can you?"

At that, Dean couldn't stop himself from shaking his head. No, no, this couldn't be real. Best to fight the hallucinations. "Go away. Please," he begged, an unusual event in itself. Normally, Dean wouldn't stoop to that level if he could help it, but he was desperate.

"Dean…" Castiel's eyes grew wide, darkening as sadness pooled inside them. "You're afraid of me." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. And the angel wasn't wrong—honestly, Dean was waiting for Cas to turn, for his face to morph into the ripped, haggard mug of a wraith like everyone else's. Slowly, Castiel raised his hands, placing them gently on Dean's upper arms. "I promise it's me. You have to believe that. We don't have much time, you've got to snap out of it and go after the wraith!"

Dean ground his teeth, thinking, unable to tear his eyes away from the angel before him. Really, this could pass for reality. After all, his previous delusions had never taken long to turn sour. He'd never had a decent hallucination yet. Maybe…maybe this really _was_ Cas. But how could he prove that? How could he get rid of that terrifying, nagging doubt?

"Prove it," Dean breathed. "Prove to me you're really Cas, not just something my mind's cooked up."

"How?" Castiel asked, eyes searching.

"I can't tell you," Dean replied after a moment, breaking the gaze and letting his head fall sideways. "If I give you the answer, you won't have proven anything."

The angel before him looked away, huffing in irritation and impatience. Still, a thoughtful expression came over Cas's face, and all of a sudden he turned back to Dean. He took a step forward, effectively closing the distance between them, their chests touching. It took all of Dean's spent concentration to focus on _not_ freaking out, not reacting to the proximity.

"Your delusions are cruel," Castiel whispered, leaning forward. "So they would never do this." And with that, the angel pressed their lips together. The kiss was fleeting, but it sent Dean's heart into overdrive, making him gasp. And then Cas was gone.

"Cas?" he whispered. "What—"

"Dean, we need to focus," the angel said sternly, as though they had not just done something Dean had been wanting for a while now, despite his best efforts to dispel the urges.

"How much of it is real?" he asked, trying to do as Castiel asked, hard as that was with everything that was going on.

"You checked in, with Sam, and there's a wraith here. That much is real," Cas answered. "You have to kill it, or _it_ will kill_ you_."

"I don't know how to hold on, Cas," Dean muttered, running shaking fingers through his hair. "I don't—I can't tell what's real. I don't know how to do this. I'm losing my mind."

"No, you're not. The wraith caused this, to confuse you. You have to fight it, Dean."

"But…I've done so much wrong. I've seen so much shit, Cas. It's too much. I can't keep doing this," Dean choked out. "I'm going crazy because of this stupid, fucked up life, Cas! No one can just go on, not after all that's happened! I…"

"You're stronger than that," Castiel insisted, gripping Dean's arms tighter. Funny, he hadn't realized until then that Cas hadn't let go. "You can't let yourself believe that, because I know better. I know it's been hard, but you can handle it. No one else could, but you can."

"How can you say that so easily, Cas?" Dean asked, voice ragged as he searched the angel's eyes for some sort of confirmation, surprised by the warmth in that blue.

"Because I love you, Dean."

Everything stopped in that instant, including Dean's heart. He struggled for words, gaping. For the first time, Cas seemed content to wait, his expression making it clear that he wanted an answer. Dean opened and closed his mouth several times, becoming frantic as Castiel's face started to fall. He forced the words out, half shouting them, terrified to be too late. "I-I love you too!"

It wasn't often that the angel let his brooding expression subside, but he did now, Cas's mouth breaking into a wide, bright smile. Shocked by his admission but not regretting it, Dean grinned right back. _Castiel loved him_. His stay in the mental institution hadn't been pleasant by any means, but this made it all worth it. Dean had given himself up for nuts a while back when he started feeling this way, but if Cas felt it too…everything would be okay.

"Think you can hold on to that?" Castiel asked, snapping back to the matter at hand. "Just keep that in mind to keep you focused so you can take care of the wraith."

"Yeah. Yeah okay. But—" But nothing. With another feathery sound, Cas disappeared from the room.

That was disappointing, but Dean was sure he would see the angel later. With that in mind, he opened his door, peering out to make sure everything was clear before sneaking into the hall. He had a wraith to kill.

* * *

It was strange to say Dean was glad he felt sane, but he _was_. His relative mental stability, all things considered, was really something he took for granted. Well, no more. With a familiar ease, he popped open the door to the Impala, when he remembered something.

"What?" Sam asked, watching as Dean stood by the open door, not making a move to get in. "What is it?"

"Cas," Dean murmured. Had…had that been an illusion, too? His brain's way of telling him to get the fuck up and work? There was only one way to be sure. "Cas!" he called out, louder, spinning as he looked towards the sky. "Cas, come here! Please, it's important!"

Fluttering behind him. Dean whipped around, a shit eating grin spreading across his face unbidden at the sight of the angel. "Hello, Dean."

His smile faltered slightly. If that had been real, wouldn't Cas give him a more enthusiastic greeting? "Cas, I have a question. Were…were you in there? In the hospital, I mean. I thought you visited me." Out of the corner of his eye, Dean caught his brother's eyebrows shooting up, and a flush rose unbidden into his cheeks. Shit, he hadn't thought this one through. How was he supposed to get the information he needed in front of Sam?

"Yes," Castiel answered. "I was there."

"Okay…" Dean replied slowly, dragging the word out to give himself time to think. "Then…my question is…well, I thought you said…something. I want to know if that was real, or if I was just imagining things."

"That depends. What is it that you think I said?"

Dean swallowed hard, glancing over at a very confused Sam. "You know."

"Yes."

"Yes, you know, or yes, you really said that?" Dean spluttered, frustrated and not at all on his game for once. If he didn't know better, he would have said he saw an amused glint in Cas's eyes.

"Both," the angel responded simply, flashing Dean a small, satisfied smile. Again, the simple effect of seeing such a happy expression on Castiel's usually serious face made him almost lose his balance, it was so wonderful. However, the joy was gone as soon as it came. "But I have a question for you. What you replied, was that true? Or was that because you were…under the influence?"

"Is anyone going to tell me what the hell is happening here?" Sam interrupted, folding his arms and staring at the duo.

"No!" Dean yelled. "Just, don't worry about it, Sammy!" He turned back to Cas, trying to ignore the dissatisfied huff from his brother. "That was me, Cas," he admitted, glad for the dark as he blushed again. Hell, this was embarrassing.

Castiel stared at him for a long moment. "Say it," he said finally.

"What?" Dean gasped, feeling as though the breath had just been knocked out of him. "You can't be serious."

"Of course I'm serious, Dean. If you meant it, then say it."

"Meant _what_?" Sam cried out, exasperated.

"Tell me," Cas went on, paying Sam no attention.

"I…can't," Dean muttered. "Not in front of…"

"Wow," Sam whistled. "This has _got_ to be good. Come on, Dean, you can say anything in front of me."

"He's right. I want you to be able to say it in front of your brother, Dean," Castiel agreed, stepping closer. Too close. Dean could _smell_ the angel, and was suddenly overtaken by the need for a repeat of the taste he had gotten in the mental institution.

"Why?" he asked, voice rasping awkwardly. Whoops. He cleared his voice and tried again. "I mean, why?"

"Well, first off, because I'm a little tired of watching you two keep secrets from each other," Cas drawled. "Really, it's getting old, and it never goes well. But mostly it's just because I don't think you can mean it, if you aren't willing to admit it, Dean."

"Fuck," Dean hissed, warring internally. The surprise it would be to Sam, and the ribbing he would get for it, versus the appeal of Castiel…

"Just spit it out, Dean," Sam sighed. "I already know what it is, anyway."

"No you don't!" Dean yelped, panicking. No, no, no! There was no _way_. Sam was just bluffing to get him to say it.

"Good God, yes I do!" Sam repeated. "You're gay for each other! It's pretty obvious, so just admit it so you two can be all giddy and we can get out of here before we get caught."

"I am not!" Dean hissed, his knee jerk reaction. But it wasn't the right thing to do. Castiel, so close just a moment ago, stepped away, the light in his eyes fading. Aghast, Dean lifted his arms, spreading them automatically to comfort the angel. Even as Cas continued to back away, Dean moved faster, enveloping the angel in a tight hug. "Shit, Cas, I didn't mean that. I just—it's hard to admit it, okay? But I'm…" He gulped, hyperaware of the fact that Castiel could disappear at any moment, and forced the words out of his mouth. "I'm in love with you. I mean it."

In the background, Sam clapped his hands. "Well done, you two."

"Not helping, Sammy!" Dean shouted, face bright red. Suddenly there was a hand on his cheek, and the angel in his arms, smiling once more, leaning up to kiss him. Embarrassed as he was with the knowledge that Sam was watching, Dean couldn't help but give in, enjoying the feel of Cas _so_ close…

Sam coughed. "Alright, you two. We need to get going. We'll get two rooms when we stop for the night, though…"

They broke apart, and after a moment's debate, Dean hopped into the back of his car, pulling Cas with him. "You're driving, Sammy!"

"Oh, no. You have more restraint that that, right? You can't do that while I'm right here," Sam tried to convince himself, settling gingerly into the driver's seat and looking nervously into the rearview mirror where…Cas was nibbling at Dean's jaw? Where the _fuck_ had he learned that? Sam tilted the mirror away, blushing.

"We'll see," Dean replied. And then there were just _sounds_.


End file.
